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  • Writer's pictureKimberly Reese Sherman

7 Signs You're In Need of Self-Love

Self-love. A topic that we can all more or less agree is critical for us but in theory. When it comes to practical application however, our relationship with self-love (which is essentially all about our relationship with ourselves) becomes complicated.

As a clinician, I see first hand how self-love is a common denominator that always rises to the surface in the work that I do with my clients regardless of the presenting problems identified when they initially reach out to start working together.

I’ve listened to some of these amazing humans express feeling so overwhelmed by “shoulds” (you know, all of the ways we tell ourselves that where WE are or what WE want isn’t good enough)...

People find themselves confused and so disconnected from themselves, when we start to broach the conversation of self-care, and I suggest to them those four words that we must always ask ourselves to safeguard us from having our self-care become some routine that it is superficial and ineffective-there a slight sense of shock plus a touch or relief (and at times a moment of heightened anxiety) because it’s so unfamiliar.

“What do I need?”

Setting that intention and filtering whatever we do in the name of self-care through those 4 words, and responding to it-truly caring for ourselves-loving ourselves...can easily have a tendency to get lost. In the midst of navigating all the things; work/school, bills, relationships, staying active, hydrated-it is not uncommon to lose sight of the one who needs the love and care the most. Yourself.

Here are 7 signs you may be in need of Self-Love:

Fear. You’re letting the fear of what could be, what might happen, how things could go wrong, and what people will think, keep you from doing/saying what is true for you.

Comparison. You get caught in the trap of comparison. Be it that you have lost sight of the or the FACT that we are all individuals and therefore have our own individual paths we must travel and that no one path is better than the other

Exhaustion. You find yourself feeling exhausted or drained. Perhaps you’re sleeping more and not feeling rested. Irritability, lack of energy, lack of focus or motivation are all also common with stress-related exhaustion. Hello burnout!

You’re on auto-pilot. Feeling meh or blah? I hear it all the time and those are typically indicators that one might be on emotional auto-pilot. This can look like you just going through the motions with a lack of lust for life, lacking intention in what you do leaving you out of alignment.

Physical Pain/Tension. This might be one you aren’t even aware of perhaps because it’s a physical sensation you’ve come accustomed to overtime. It’s so common to experience muscle tightness and discomfort in response to stress or anxiety.

Confusion. You lack clarity and are feeling confused or uncertain about anything (and sometimes everything).

You’ve been avoiding connecting with yourself. Many of us are far more self-denying than we realize. We know the things we must do to take care of ourselves or to make us feel better and at times we get in a place where we avoid doing those things. It’s amazing at times when we allow ourselves to think about it that we haven’t spent any time to ourselves in weeks or that we haven’t opened our journal or made time for Yoga.

If you identify with any of these signs, take the time to really check-in with yourself and respond to what your body is trying to tell you. You are in need of some self-love, and it’s not just about feeling good.

Self-love is a state.

It’s ongoing which also makes it a commitment. Self-love grows when we commit to the actions that support us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Self-love is dynamic. And when we manage to figure out how to prioritize it and commit to it, we learn how to treat ourselves in loving ways that shift us. We’re able to better accept ourselves- our weaknesses as well as our strengths. We don’t feel as compelled to cover up our shortcomings, and we can have compassion and grace with ourselves.

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